“You must give everything to make your life as beautiful as the dreams that dance in your imagination.” – Roman Payne It seems to me that we spend most of our lives searching for beauty. We pursue happiness. We’re looking for that one person to cure us of the need for anyone else. To cure us of […]
okay so i don’t like it when other people judge you based on what they think they know about you. first of all you may know nothing about a person or what they’re going through so judging them and letting them know that you’re judging them, it’s like no stop.
let’s backtrack, i’m a procrastinator, but i’m trying to get a hold of things and i genuinely feel like i’m making progress. i managed to turn my grade in a visual arts class from a 35% to a 95%. and i’m super proud of that, a negative D to an A? i did that! and i took this online math quiz and got a 90%! that’s the highest i’ve gotten on a math quiz before, and i’m super proud of myself. like i’m doing good, though there are still a couple of things that i need to do and get turned it, but i will find the time for those. anyways so back to what this post is really about..
the other day we had to turn in an assignment in my art class and well i didn’t have it because i was too busy making a 90 on the math quiz so i didn’t have anything to turn in, but it wasn’t the end of the world, i mean i was okay nothing bad happened i just didn’t have anything to present. and one of my classmates who i also talk to on the regular noticed, we will call him boxi. boxi was like do you have anything and i was like nope. that wasn’t a big deal BUT later that day boxi was like “so do you have anything for that class? like aren’t you worried about your grade? you have A LOT of stuff to do how do you intend on getting all of it done in time?”
in my head i was just like okay first of all weather i get it in in time or not is not any of your business like will it affect you in any way? i don’t think so! just the way boxi was talking to me with this sort of i feel bad for you, what are you doing type of attitude. Boxi i think you’re pretty amazing and are starting to become a nice good friend but you don’t know what i am going through, or what is happening in my life right now so don’t judge me because you may think you have your life figured out, you know always getting everything in in time and what not, but i guarantee you things aren’t going to stay that way forever. you may have your opinions about me and thats A Oh-Kay but don’t tell me that i am doing something wrong with my studies, or what am i doing with a judge-y attitude please.
alrighty guys this was more of a rant, but i just needed to get that off my chest. IN OTHER NEWS i am planning a trip for winter brake which i am super excited about because it is going to be my first time going out of state and it’s going to be a pretty big deal for me! more details on that as we get closer, okay thanks for reading, bye!
wellp. it’s november. if you would have asked me about 2 weeks ago “Diana, how are you?” i probably would’ve said “bad, horrible, i want to die, just leave me alone” but now. oh gosh, now. i feel that i am alive again. i don’t know if you’ve felt this before, but i just felt like there were so many things controlling me, social media was one. so many things. i felt like i was slowly getting pushed to the edge, that i just hit pause on everything.
now i am in a better place, and feeling that I am in control, and I am the driver of my life. this time has also put a lot of things into perspective for me, there were a lot of things going on in my life, and i was feeling a certain way, but didn’t know why i was feeling like that, and i ended up getting answers. answers that made sense. answers that cleared up the fogginess in my head. now i am not saying that i am 100% better, that i have no problems, because i’m not, and i still do have problems. i’m on a good path, a good path that is making me feel alive and well, but there’s still a long way to go. there is light. 2 weeks ago i didn’t see that light, i couldn’t see it that it made me just want to die. but i do now, there are better things ahead, the future is bright, i know that is cheesy but it’s the truth.
SO hello november. i am ready for you. please be nice and gentle, as i am still fragile. i am still on a road of healing, but i am ready for your orange yellow warm colors and breeze that will blow against my cheek and hair. finishing this year off strong and well.
thank you for reading, hope everything is going well in your life. and if it’s not, know that it will get better, and that even though sometimes you cannot see it, there is a greater gift ahead. that you are on the road to.
Hello world! I have been absent for quite some time now. I have been going through some mental health stuff, I won’t bore you with the details, long story short I quit all social media. It was toxicating me, and just no bueno. I didn’t plan on blogging either because paper airplanes has huge ties with Instagram so I was like not going to do that, but I’m currently bored and even though I made it abundantly clear on Instagram that I was leaving, I didn’t let you guys know.
So yeah, I’m definitely doing a lot better. I feel more refreshed and it definitely is a process. I am not ready to come back to the social world just yet, but I’m on a good path and am starting to take control of certain things and not letting those things control me. I most likely will not come back till January. When I quit all socials, I told myself that I would take this time to solely focus on myself and give myself till January. That seems like a long time, but I feel that I need that, in order to come back strong and not fall through. Much love to everyone!!! I love you guys, and am planning on blogging again in the future, when I am 100% all better.
Hope everyone is doing well, stay rad,
**picture credit by Bangkit Ristant
sooo this week was a doozy. i felt like this past weekend went by super fast, that i suddenly woke up getting ready for school, and i definitely was not ready for that.
monday was not as bad, i went to work and i actually felt pretty good, i was surprised how in a good mood i was, but tuesday………
tuesday i had another mental breakdown. it’s like this. i want to have everything in control, and achieve everything that i set out to do. so when that doesn’t happen, when i feel like things are slipping out of my hands i just get so depressed and down, like whyyy life?? i feel like i’m in a really bad place, that i don’t like. i was in math class all down in the dumps like why am i here, i want to leave and just run away from everything. soo then comes in this little voice in my head that goes “okay then lets run away, get out of town, lets go somewhere away from here” then my mind was like “umm we can’t run away, i have no money, and i don’t like to drive to far away places” so then that little voice says “okay, then whats the next best thing?”.
suddenly it hit me. the lake. i love nature, which is why i love taking pictures of it, but nature has a way of making me feel safe, calm, serene, and just so peaceful (i think those are all synonyms for the same thing, but you get my point) when i was in high school and down in the dumps, i was lucky because the lake was right next door to us so i would just walk over there and suddenly it was like if i was in my own world away from all the craziness. SO when my math class was over, i drove over there, and to be honest i was like “this probably is not going to work, going to the lake is not going to make me feel any different”. and when i first got there the first couple of minutes, i didn’t feel anything. but the longer i was there…..oh my gosh……let me just show you…..
all my worries went away. i had a showcase that night that i was nervous for, but that left my mind. i didn’t snap a pic, but there’s this little area where there are benches and i sat there. everything around me, the lake, shimmers, trees, wind, birds chirping just made me feel sooo at peace. mother nature took my sadness away and had a way of telling me that everything was going to be okay. it was amazing. i’ve experienced mother natures calming vibes before, but never like this.
the next couple of days that followed were a lot better, even though there still were some times that were bad, overall i was okay. if you want to see more of my photography work follow me on instagram @dianaswonders.
if you are going through something similar, go somewhere. somewhere that takes your mind away from the craziness of this world, you’d be surprised how much a change in environment can really have an affect on the way you feel. also if you need someone to talk to, please reach out to me, i don’t really have many friends so i know what it’s like to need to talk to someone.
thank you for reading this post, it’s a really personal one. but i feel like i had to share.
alrighty so i’m currently at school, in the library, it is 8:10am, and i have to do a midterm essay before 12. But I’m going to squeeze this post in, because i want to share what i’ve been up to.
so i’ve been thinking about making a new instagram account. alright lets backtrack a little, so my current instagram account, not paper airplanes but my personal one. i don’t really see what the point of it is anymore. About 65% of the people that are following me and I follow are people from high school, family, or that i’m friends with. but then the other whatever percent, (not good at math and i’m too lazy to actually do the easy math right now) are professional photographers or bloggers. And i post professional photography mainly, but i’m always indecisive because i feel like that the people i know personally don’t want to see my photography work, they’re following me to see what my personal life is like, but then i have photographers and bloggers that ARE following me to look at my professional work. see my dilemma?
SOO i’ve made a professional account, where i’m going to be posting my photography and maybe a little of design work. with this account i’ll actually have the liberty and freedom to post more consistently, not worrying about if the people that follow me want to see it, because since it is a new account only people that want to see it will follow it, if that makes sense. but yeah, my account is called @dianaswonders let me just say it took me a long day to come up with that username, because apparently ‘dianagarcia’ which is ideally what i wanted, WAS ALREADY TAKEN. ridiculous. i think that dianaswonders fits me well because my mind tends to wander places, i mean i tend to wander places sooo yeah, the account will be snapshots of where i find myself wandering at.
i may or may not delete my personal account, not sure yet. like i said i have a lot of family that follows me, and i guess friends. i say “i guess” because well i know them, i went to high school with them, but i don’t actually “talk” to them. “well dianaaa why don’t you just use that account to post personal life things? since dianaswonders is where you’ll be posting your professional work?” you might ask. WELL because i have quite a bit of people that are photographers and bloggers that follow me on there, and they are only following me to view my works. again…..do you see my dilemma?? haha.
i’ll still be active on paper airplanes, as that is my blogging account and i’ve made a lot of virtual friends through there. love all yall, yall are the real MVP!! as far as my personal account that i have right now, well time will tell my friends. SO if you wanna see what my life is like outside of paper airplanes follow me @dianaswonders i’ll follow you right back, thanks for reading! much love to everyone!
Hello everyone!! How are you guys doing? Tell me about your life, I actually want to know!
For me, well umm life is really good right now, in this moment. I had like a mental breakdown the other day because I had a lot to do, like homework, projects, classes, night classes, I even had to take off work because everything was too overwhelming. I was like uhh is droping out of college a thing still? (no I didn’t drop out, stay in school kids)
The thing about me, is when I have a lot on my plate I want to do it all at once and I end up giving myself anxiety and just hit a wall. That’s what ended up happening so I decided to take a step back, and like one of my coaches says “BREATHE”. That helped A LOT. Just stepping back and relaxing, getting all the things I had to do out of my head. The thing is yeah sure, they may be important like homework, projects, I mean college is important, but your health is important too. And when things get too stressful, we have to put those things aside and take time to ourselves. No one has ever failed college just for not doing one or two assignments, or not having them in on time, or not doing as well as you could have on tests. THERE WILL BE OTHER TESTS. That’s what I told myself, to make me feel better. This was the first test, and I was overwhelmed AND sick, so I was like we still have 3 more to go I’ll be fineeeeee.
BUT yeah, now I’m in a good place, you know still have work to do, but I will get that done sooner or later. Like my dad says “para todo hay tiempo” which translates to “there is time for everything”. Which is ironic because when he wants me to do something and I don’t want to do it I tell him that, and he’s like yeah no that doesn’t apply to your parents, when we ask you to get stuff done you do them now. Chores and what not, haha.
OH and I had my first improv showcase this past Sunday it was a BLAST. First off I found good parking, I remember the other day when I wanted to go for a show, there was absolutely NO parking, I was driving around in circles for like 30 minutes and it was horrible. I ended up not going. Anyways, I was nervous at first like going up in front of people, not knowing what I was going to say. But it ended up flying by super fast, the audience were amazing, so fun. By the end of it I was like “I want to do it again!!” but that was it.
So yeah sorry for making this kinda long, I wanna hear about your life! What are your hopes and dreams, what’s been happening, fellow blogger friends, talk to me!:) Until next post
this is what college is going to me. okay so for the past couple of weeks i’ve drank coffee pretty much every day. now it’s not like i make it at home, pour it in a cup and enjoy. not like that at all, what i do is go to the nearest donut shop Continue reading “coffee is starting to become an addiction”
so we all have our “hypothetical” fears right? like not wanting to die, or not finding a job once graduating college, or not finding the love of your life. Ya know? being alone in life, haha. those are things that we are scared could happen, but most likely won’t. but what about our actual “real” fears?
i’ve been taking this class and we are doing this group project and were supposed to meet with our partner to study together. we can’t really meet in a coffee shop or anything because it requires us to move and memorize lines, and you know talk out loud. we couldn’t meet at my place because well, i have little sisters and my parents don’t really like company soooo my partner asked if could meet at her house. she lives like 40 minutes away pretty much in the next town next door to Austin. in case you don’t know i do not, i’ll repeat, DO NOT like to drive in the highway. it’s scary people going at like 80mph and having cars all over the place. long story short the only way to get to her place was by taking the highway to AND back. now at first i was thinking about just asking her if could meet somewhere else, because driving all the way over there um no thnak you. but i was like i’m going to do this, take the highway over there. i can’t be scared forever, i have to face my fears head on, like my mom always says that’s the only way i’ll ever be able to overcome my fears.
and i did. now don’t get me wrong, i was scared driving the whole way over there and back, like if any car would cut me off i would loose control or something (thankfully that didn’t happen). i got lost a couple times, took the wrong exits and what not, but i managed to get there safely and back home safely.
moral of the story. eventually we will all have to face our fears, so if an opportunity arises where you have to face your fear head on. take it, you’ll be surprised how amazingly you overcome it.